I Don't Know

I don't know how to do this.

I don't know how to sit on the sidelines, letting your existing support structures take the load in your time of need. I don't know how to not wrap my arms around you while you're suffering. I don't know how.

I don't know how to not be so overwhelmingly in love with you when I know that you love me, too. But have to just sit by. Just be… over here. Twiddling my thumbs. Pretending like I'm just some other guy you know.

I don't know how to not be by your side. To not be at your beck and call. I don't know how to not be the one who holds you, who comforts you when a particular memory hits, or when you realize last Christmas was the last…

I know not everything was perfect, but I also know that you love fiercely. I know there was as much bad as good, but I also know that you prefer to see the light.

I don't know how to do this. How to go on just pretending all is right in my world when the person I love the most has a broken rib, and all I can do is give her words.

I don't want to weigh on you, especially not right now, but I don't know how to do this.

I love you too much.

I love you too much.

I love you. Too much.

I love you.

But I don't know how to do this.