Junk Drawer

Haven't done one of these in a while…

I know you were a bit worried about imposing, but I'm really glad that Christmas Eve turned out the way it did. We've been so reluctant for so long to have visitors in our house… I've been wanting to invite you over, and still have a few excuses floating around to do so. But even for me there was that obstacle of just… we just haven't really invited people into our house for a really long time, for a wide variety of reasons.

Well. It was well past time to get over it. And I think having you guys over was a Very Good Step. Plus it opens up the possibility of having you guys over again. Which we will, at some point. I, for one, can't wait. And I, uh… I actually really want to take you downstairs and show you my work area… my shelves. I'm half embarrassed to show them to anyone… except you. You, I want to see them. I'm confident you, out of anybody, would appreciate them. lol. And you might like to see the 3d printer, too, I dunno. I know you like what it does, I'm less sure if you're interested in the machine itself. Anyways. That part of the house still needs a lot of work. But, I'll get it there.

I hope you actually did like that beer, btw… because I've got two more of them with your name on them, lol. Though, admittedly, beers do have a tendency to go missing after a while… Well, at worst, there's nearly always a handful of Yuenglings in my fridge. And I recently discovered that I really like those Blue Moon Light Skies.

I can't drink the craft stuff all the time, you know.

Just most of the time, lol.

Heading back down to my mom's tomorrow. My brother, who had been staying with them earlier in the week, reports that she seems to have turned a corner, which is good news. But I remember from when we were starting Z on fluoxetine that he definitely had his up days and down days, even after that initial ten or so days that it takes to start really having an impact. We'll see. We all know that it's temporary and she'll be feeling better eventually, but it's still a rough road getting there. I'm not sure when I'll be coming home, but Thing One's birthday is Monday and I'd like to be here for that.

Six-fuckin'-teen. How the heck did they get so old?

I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you about my friend, who I've mentioned once or twice here. There have been a small handful of people on reddit that I've connected with a bit while on this journey. Had some… odd, sometimes unpleasant encounters, too. I guess putting yourself out for the whole world to see has its risks. Anyways… I count four total people who I've spent some time talking to about our situation over the past few years, but as of right now it's down to just one. And since I treat “romance reddit” as read-only these days, and see no reason for that to ever change, I imagine that count will stay where it is.

So. My friend. Is an Australian woman. I hope it's not a problem for you, though you are the most important thing in the world to me, so… Very early on, she and I did make an agreement that our friendship was secondary to our relative romantic situations. That came up again recently, as her romantic situation has changed rather rapidly and unexpectedly, for the better. I won't bore you with details about a person you don't know (yet), but I'll just say that a potential lesson for me is that, if you get divorced (as she did), then I had better not just sit on my hands for two years like her “LO” did. I'm pretty sure you love me enough to wait for me, but I'm also pretty sure that you're going to have potential suitors coming out the wazoo. How could you not? Is there a time limit? Maybe not. There isn't for me, if the roles are reversed. But I sometimes still have trouble believing that you're interested in me at all, so 🤷‍♂️. But also... our situation is very different than hers ever was. For one thing, weird as our relationship might be, it's advanced weeeelllll beyond where hers ever did. I mean, it's just words I guess, but I stopped referring to you as my “LO” years ago, and I'm not completely sure it was ever appropriate anyways, while she freely admits it was absolutely correct for her and her LO. So maybe it's not analogous anyways.

Also, honestly… I really hope that you have someone, of any gender, that you're able to confide in this stuff with. At times, this journey has been… not so easy. I can't even imagine going through some of the earlier stages… where there was so very much uncertainty about whether you even liked me or not… And the situation being such that even trying to find out could have been… disastrous. Well. If you don't, then you're much stronger than I am (you probably are that, regardless). And I don't know how you've done it.

Anyways, I'm very happy for her. Right now, she's happier than I've ever known her to be.

I'm also a bit envious. She and her new person have apparently started sexting. Goodness. I've never sexted before, lol. But, boy… you'd best believe I'd surely like to try to do so with you sometime. I guess it would be like… one of my sexier letters to you, except where you actually get to participate. That sounds… Amazing. Scary as hell, lol. I'd be nervous AF. But amazing. I'm always wondering… well… what are you into? How can I best accommodate you? How do you want to be loved? Because, whatever it is? That's what I want to do. Your needs are paramount. Both in and out of the bedroom. It's not that my needs aren't important… it's that my #1 need in this regard, not to put too fine a point on it, is to get you off, in whatever way is most pleasing to you.

Which reminds me… I haven't really written you anything super steamy in a while. I mean, for a lot of very good reasons. Not a single one of which is that I haven't been thinking about it, lol. Hmmm… I never really know ahead of time when one of those is going to spill from my fingertips… it just… kinda… happens. Well. We'll have to see, won't we?

Work is suuuuuuuper slow today. In case you couldn't tell. But still, probably had better get back to it.

I love you, my sweet love. I'm not kidding when I say you're amazing, or a wonder, or the best. I truly do believe that you are the most beautiful woman on this planet. I was not stretching things at all when I said the other day that you were the most interesting person I'd ever met. I fell in love with you because there was no possible way that I could have you in my life and not fall in love with you. You like to say “it must have been fate”… I feel like it must have been fate that brought you into my life. We had to meet. Had to. This universe was not complete until our love existed within it. That's how foundational it is.

And, love. I am going to love you however I can. Forever. I will take you any which way you are willing and able to give yourself to me. Oh, I want to be your lover, your best friend, your everything. More than you know. But I could love you like this, like we have been, indefinitely, if I had to, if it was the only way. Because I am going to love you one way or the other. There isn't a force in this universe that could stop that.

… but I do hope, and believe, that one day, we will be more. At some point along the way, I just stopped seeing any other long term possibility. That is where our road is heading. There's a ton of curves and switchbacks along the way… But there is only one destination, and that's us. Together. I'm more sure of it now than ever.

Love,
♒️