Sometimes

Sometimes I write you in the evening after having had a bit and the only thing I can even imagine is how your lips will taste as my fingers brush through your hair…

Sometimes I write you in the afternoons while you're at work and I'm desperate to know how your day is going, how you're doing, how you're feeling… Is there anything I can do for you, any way I can make your day better, make your sun shine a little bit brighter?

Sometimes I write you in the morning while I know you're still sleeping, wishing I could just lay in bed and hold you while you dream, your body resting against mine, your hair tickling my nose…

Sometimes I wonder what you think of all these letters, piling up as they have been. If you'll think they're a beautiful expression of my love for you, a fine way to handle our less-than-ideal circumstances… or if you'll see them as a waste of time, wonder why I've spilled my guts here with next to no chance that you'd see instead of just telling you…

Sometimes I wonder if I've shown enough appreciation for that gift you gave me, demonstrated that I recognize the thought and care that went into selecting it for me. Wonder if you knew that I'd be torn between wanting to savor it, making it last as long as possible, and wanting to have a sip of it every time I crave your presence — in which case it would have been gone within an hour.

Sometimes I wonder if it ever really was “just a crush,” or if I've simply been head over heels in love with you since day one, and it just took most of a decade to realize it.

Sometimes I wonder how I managed to luck into meeting you, even if the circumstances are all wrong. You are exactly my type, ⭐️, because my type is you. I can't even imagine being more attracted to a person on all levels — emotional, physical, intellectual — than I am to you. Everything about you draws me in — your light and your darkness, your curves, my god those eyes and that smile… Everything I have ever dreamed of in a partner, in a best friend, in a lover. All right there, all within you.

Sometimes I wonder how you feel about the way we've been going about things, trying to be more in each other's lives but not yet crossing any lines — not any of the obvious, solid ones. I wonder if you still worry a bit, as I do, about others seeing our recent messaging history, even if all of it is innocent on the surface…

Sometimes I wonder how to get to spend time with you alone, even if it's alone in public. When could we, even? There was a while there, with your work schedule… but that was before… I'm sorry, my love, but I thought I was still dreaming back then… And I can't imagine you going back to that, as much as I might like to imagine how different things could be if I had known then what I do now…

Sometimes I wonder about all those years when it would have been so easy. Those long, hot summer days… sure, I was supposed to be working, but… we could have let the kids play in the pool while we watched over them and chatted for hours about… Whatever. Anything. Wouldn't have even had to touch each other, not physically… How much more could I know about you by now… sigh

But one thing I don't wonder, ⭐️, is how I fell so very thoroughly into you. I can't even imagine knowing you and not loving you. You are my dream, my perfect girl, my one and only. I sometimes think I was dreaming of your eyes before I ever even saw them…

Oh, gosh but I do love you my hill by the lake. You are amazing, magical. The better half of my heart. My everything.

And I am yours.