Evolution of Lust

I didn't always let my gaze linger on you, you know. Oh, I'd steal glances. I've been stealing glances at you for over a decade. From the day we met, and every single day since, you've been the most beautiful, most physically appealing woman I have ever laid my eyes on.

So, yes, from time to time, I would steal glances.

But, as my understanding of your feelings for me has grown, as I've become more and more confident that you like having my eyes on you, that it might even make you a bit giddy to think about all the things you do to me…

Well. I've started to let my eyes linger.

Studying the exact shape and color of those brilliant eyes. Your smile, which was cute AF before, during, and after you closed out your “awkward 30's” with braces. That flawless jawline. Your nose, perfectly formed and tying everything together. The face of an angel. The very essence of beauty, distilled into its purest form and decanted into the loveliest of all of humankind…

Nobody exemplifies beauty like you do, my love. Nobody.

When we were at that water park together - the first time we had gone anywhere together… When was that? Three years ago? Four? I don't think it was the first time I'd been around you in a swimsuit, but it was the first time since I first felt your eyes burning into mine… and definitely the first time you ever walked in front of me in one…

I was a good boy. Mostly. But I didn't know when I'd get another chance… if I ever would get another chance… so, maybe I might have peeked once… maybe twice… confirming what I already knew (perfect… you are exactly what I have always longed for… no less in the ways my eyes can confirm than those they cannot…), but I didn't linger. I didn't want to be a creep, didn't want to read too much into those handful of moments our eyes had caught on each other over the prior few months…

Even last year, on that same camping trip we just finished… I had gathered by then that you liked having me around, but I still wasn't completely sure if you enjoyed my eyes caressing your body the way my hands constantly ache to do, so, so badly…

But then you walked up that narrow path ahead of me, your beautiful butt covered by nothing but a teeny bikini bottom… and then the same again the next day…

I know I've mentioned that before, but, in some ways, it was pivotal…

You had to know, right? Had to. Like when you were walking your dog that one time, wearing skorts (or whatever… you looked like you had just stepped off a tennis court…) and you stopped right smack in front of me, knowing I was there, and made your dog sit, then bent at the waist to scratch his back for a moment before continuing on your way.

It clicked. You wanted me to look.

And, so I did. Unabashedly. The perfect line of your spine… the way your ass moved as you climbed that steep hill, the absurd perfection that is your legs…

And then, a few moments later, loooong before my heart had had time to settle, before the thoughts of… baseball, or whatever… made wearing those board shorts comfortable again, you stood there facing me with the biggest smile on your face as we talked about my hammock… Goodness. I can't help but wonder if your eyes had as much trouble as mine did keeping where they belonged… It would not have been difficult at all to notice the affect you had had on me…

Anyhow.

This year. This year I know you want me to look. I know you feel my gaze on you, and it excites you.

So, this year… when I had the chance, I looked. Unworried that you might think I'm a creep. Not worried at all that you would mind it, because I know you like it. My only concern being anyone else noticing…

Well, at least up until we were walking to get those kayaks and my dog forced me to linger behind a bit… Good Lord, you would look good in anything, my love, but still… you know how to pick your clothes… with those beautiful, bountiful buns shifting… left… right… left…

Mesmerizing. Absolutely mesmerizing. You could hypnotize me with that thing of yours, easily, if you truly wanted to…

But then I realized my board shorts continued to be an issue, so I looked away and started to think about baseball again.

God, babe… it's getting hard, not being able to touch you. So, so impossibly, uncomfortably hard.

We'll get there, though. My body needs it, and my heart demands it.

We will get there. We will.

And when we do, I will take you there. Any and every time you want me to.

Until then, I'm just gonna keep loving you, and loving you, and loving you. Sending my energy in your direction as best as I can within the constraints I hold myself to. And hope that you feel it, the way I always feel the love coming off of you these days.

I love you, babe. I need you. I want you.

And I am so readily yours.

Love,
Me.