I'm sorry

Hey, babe…

First and foremost, I'm sorry for what your family has been going through… there truly are no words.

But also… I spent a lot of the last few days all up in my head, and I'm sorry for that, too. I hope the only evidence you ever saw of it was a less-than-stellar attempt to connect with you the other day. It truly doesn't matter what my “plan” was… if I wanted to show I cared for you and find out how you were doing, it turns out there was a very easy thing I could have done: just ask.

Babe… I wish I came out of the box already loving you perfectly. I wish I always knew exactly what to say, and how to say it. I wish I was already the best at loving you. Unfortunately, it's clear I've still go work to do.

The good news is that I am the most eager student of you that you will ever come across. Yeah, I make mistakes, but I do my best to learn from them, and I try very, very hard not to repeat them. I will learn how to love you right, love you in all the ways you need, desire, and deserve. That, I promise.

But, look at me… getting all up in my head again…

I hope you know that when I tell you that we're here if there's ever anything y'all need, that it isn't just an empty platitude. We are here for you all. I am here for you. Always.

Even if all you can accept for now is comfort in the knowledge that someone is holding you and yours in his heart as tenderly as he knows how to do, and that he will always do so, whether times are good or bad, happy or sad…

lol. Sorry. Been up for 21 hours, wired on a can of Starbucks double shot espresso to keep me awake for the past four hours of driving… maybe now wasn't the best time to write this… but it's been on my mind. A lot. I love you. I am here for you. I'm sorry I've been in my head recently, and especially the exceptionally poor timing of it. I'm sorry for what you've been going through. I'm doing my absolute best to send warmth and love in your direction…

And I just hope you feel it, and that it helps.

I love you.

Yours.