Punishment

NGL, baby, there is a part of my brain that is in active rebellion right now.

“NO.” it says. “This cannot be. This universe does not work this way.”

I try to tell it, but… you know… it just keeps piping up.

And, I mean… it has a point, donchu think?

I mean, look, babe. I've already known for years that you were perfect for me in all the important ways.

All the ways that mean we could build a life together, be happy and satisfied. That we could have fun together, laugh together, grow old together — gracefully, in your case… maybe a bit less so, in mine…

But we can be happy. Together.

And now this.

This. Of all things.

Could it really be?

Is it even remotely possible?

Could you really and truly be precisely the partner I want…

In bed, too?

Could your preferences and interests and fantasies and dreams truly align so perfectly with mine?

Do you really mean to tell me that the things I most want to do to you are things that you aren't only okay with, but that you want?

That you crave?

Fuck. Me.

And, shit. You know I'm busy as hell, you know I've got a fast-looming deadline, and right in the midst of that, like the crazy-making person you flat-out said you were…

Did you really just reveal that you wanted to enact the one fantasy that I've kept to myself for decades? The fantasy I have never felt safe enough to talk about with… anyone?

And again. Not just okay with it. Not just “Oh, I'll do that if you really want me to.”

But “I want to do this thing. With you. To you.“

Seriously, tho.

Fuck me.

Fuck. Me. Now. Please.

I'm just sayin'… One man's punishment is another man's reward.

(though, once we've laid out the ground rules, I should very much like to talk to you about that other thing… the thing that I want to do to you. Because, let's be honest, in the hierarchy of my desires, I couldn't possibly explain it, but that is way further up there than you might already think…)

And I'm sure I'm revealing too much, but babydoll… uh, it wouldn't be the first time. Oh, first time with more than one person in the room, for sure, but not the first time. Not by a long shot. And definitely not the first time with you in my eyes…

But, hey. I get your frustration.

The other night could have been the night, couldn't it have?

So rare, for both of us… I mean, I think you know as well as I do why it didn't happen, though I am sorry I didn't at least send you some silly thing on Facebook.

sigh.

Well. We have the entire future ahead of us, babe.

I know how you be. I get that you're switching things around a bit. Yeah, I see you. I'm not saying I'll make it easy for you, but…

If you ever do want to take out your frustration on me…

Well, I've got one or two ideas for some, uh, additions to that scenario.

I don’t mean to be cagey about it, of course.

It's just… the situation, ya know.

But, well. We can talk about that later.

Ta-ta!