Helpless

Oh, I was exhausted last night, baby… you know why. After we had our walk, I went home, had my dinner, and then got straight to work… finished what I had hoped just in time to maybe catch one episode of something before I knew I should hit the hay, what with the big day today… Instead, fell asleep on the couch - didn't even get my duolingo in! Not sure quite when it was that I woke up enough to actually head to bed, back achey from working on the floor and the less-than-ideal napping posture on the couch… but I had that message waiting for me, and you know that made me smile, ya little weirdo. Well, not sure what time it was but hope my response didn't wake you… middle of the night brain doesn't always make the best judgement calls, but I figure you've probably got do not disturb on or something…

Anyways, that's not what I'm writing about, lol.

I was listening to the spotify AI DJ while working last night, and a surprising song came on, one of the songs from Hamilton. I was listening to it a lot back in the day, but probably hadn't heard it or any of its friends in years…

But, man, it reminded me of another song from the show, Helpless. I used to think about a lot, but it had kinda slipped my mind… So I put it on and…

This completely unexpected wave of emotion came over me. It took me a minute to remember, but…

More recently, I've liked the song because it makes me think of you, because girl, you got me helpless. But, there's more to it than that. I got to thinking back to when it first came out, which was back before all this. Back before I got jabbed in the heart, even. The song affected me back then, too, but… who had me helpless? Oh, I mean, if I was thinking of anyone, I was thinking of you. That might have been “cute manageable crush” days, but still… but no, it wasn't that.

Then I remembered. I remembered the feeling. It wasn't about someone making me helpless. It was about me making someone else helpless. Or, more to the point, it was the fact that I don't believe anybody has ever felt that way about me, not even… you know who.

But, now it hits a bit different. A lot different. Because, you know what?

Because I've seen that look in your eyes. Because now I see in your smile and the way you have my back that you are so into me…

I never thought that would happen for me, babe. But that the person I seem to be doing that to is the person who does it to me?

Magic. Utter fucking magic.

God, I love you. And I love the way you love me. Our story's still being written but I can already tell, it's a good one. Heck, maybe Lin will write a musical about it one day.

Nah. It's too magical. Nobody would buy it.

Well anyways, babe. I think maybe I'm just putting off the inevitable now. You know I'd love to try to squeeze in one more walk before the fit hits the shan, but we'll have to see. And you were right about that wind last night…

Well. Not like either one of us is going anywhere. So if not today, I know there's tomorrow.

Love you, sweet thing.

Yours.