I Still Think We're Superstars

Watch things on VCRs with me and talk about big love
I think we're superstars, you say you think we are the best thing

Stumbled on this letter I wrote you about two years ago… Every single word of it is still true today, so I figured I'd share it again… maybe with a few extra things tacked to the end… I just… I thought you should know.

I Think We're Superstars.

You've fascinated me since day one. And I've loved every iteration of you since then. Every hairstyle, from pixie to so, so long and lovely. I've loved your jobs. Your career growth. You know, there are aspects of your old (old) job that I miss, but I am so, so in love with how ambitious you are. I love that you decided you wanted to alter your own trajectory, and you just… did it. I love that you're better educated than I am.

I love that you made me make a Spotify playlist. I love that you have no idea that you did so. I love that you fill me with such a visceral need to reach you through any means possible that I named it after you and made it public. I love wondering whether you've found it.

I love that you use Pandora (who still uses Pandora?!). I loved you singing along to a few songs that night. I love your voice. I love your voice. God, I love your voice. I love wondering what else you listen to. I love wondering what's in your ears when you see me while you're driving to work. I wonder if any songs make you think of me…

I love when you say my name. Doesn't even matter the context.

I love that you've inspired me. To write. To explore making music. To get in shape. Hell, just recently you inspired me to develop a skin care routine for my face. These crows feet probably don't bother you, but I'm not caring too much for them. I love that I know just exactly who I ought to go for advice about that, but don't.

I love discovering new things that I love about you. I love that you love camping. I love sitting by a campfire with you and the others, chatting about whatever comes to mind. I love the way your face glows in the flames. I love wondering if you sneakily snapped a photo of me while I was sitting opposite of you that one time.

I love that you make my body feel like I'm a teenager again. I love that just seeing you fills me with urges that would drive some men insane… have damn near driven me right off the edge. I love that if I had to choose between getting to talk to you every day for the rest of my life or touch you every day for the rest of my life, I'd still choose the talking.

I love that you built that Lego set and stuck it on your mantle. I love how you chose the color of your walls. I love that you're unabashedly a Doctor Who fangirl. I love wondering what else you like to watch. I love thinking about sitting next to you in a theater to watch… anything at all. I even love where you would choose to sit.

I love how you pick at my brain like it's the most fascinating thing on the planet. I love that I long to do the same for you, even if I'm nowhere near as good at it. I love that you make it so easy to talk to you. I love when your eyes just keep finding mine even when you're answering somebody else.

I love the thought of sitting on a beach somewhere with you, drink in hand, sitting in companionable silence watching the waves roll in. I love wondering if you'd like to go dancing from time to time somewhere so noisy that talking is impossible.

I love that you've so clearly been pushing to advance our friendship so that it's no longer tied to the kids. Hell, I love how you've been pushing to advance our friendship, period. I'd been dying to get to know you better for… well, since we met.

I love how you love your kids. I loved a moment I witnessed between you and your son towards the end of a fun but long day at that amusement park, tousling his hair before pulling him in for a side hug. I love that I'm pretty sure you could learn to love mine just as well. I love that you love my son's hair. I wasn't kidding when I said I was jealous.

I love how encouraging you are. I love that back during Covid you would sit on your front porch while I was out jogging laps around the neighborhood. I love wondering if it was just chance, or if I had an audience. I love that the more time goes on, the more I'm sure it was the latter…

I love your smile, god, so much. I love that you seem so happy to show it to me. I love wondering how my heart could possibly survive if I got to see it every day. I've loved that smile since forever. I loved when you had braces through the trailing end of your “awkward thirties.” I love that you still bite your lower lip just a tiny bit from time to time. I love wondering when the next time I'll get to see it will be.

I love that you love to read. I love wondering whether you prefer fiction or non-fiction, who your favorite authors are, what topics. I love picturing you lying in bed with a book in hand (though, if you're like me, that book has probably long since been replaced by your phone…). I love picturing you in bed.

I love finding out new things about you. I love that I still have so much to learn. I love how unquenchable my thirst for knowledge of you is. I love that I could spend a lifetime with you and still crave more, and more, and more. I love how thoroughly you've consumed my thoughts.

I love the way you got out of your car on that freezing morning while dropping of your kids, even though it would have been perfectly understandable and acceptable if you had just rolled down your window to thank me. I loved that you brought over that gift bag with your daughter. I love every single time you've ever come to my door. I love wondering when the next time is going to be…

I love that you take an interest in my hobbies. I love wondering if you really did like that beer I made or not (I still have some bottles… it's aged well, FWIW… I like it better now than I did then — ok this bit is no longer true, lol). I love looking forward to getting to using the telescope with you. I love teasing you with videos of me playing songs for you, making you wonder whether they're meaningful or not (they are, so, so meaningful). I love how you bring up your guitar from time to time, even though it's always to point out that you haven't played it in ages. I love the idea of making music with you, even if the only instrument is your voice.

I love how you dress. I love your bumming around the neighborhood clothes. I love your going out to a show clothes. I love how you seem to know just exactly how to woo me and sometimes almost seem to go out of your way to do so. I love that, as far as I'm concerned, you're always dressed to kill, because you will always slay me, no matter what.

I love your hands. I love how long your fingers are. I love thinking of how they would feel brushing my cheek.

I love that I love you so much. I love that you turned my entire universe upside down. I love that I didn't even know that love could feel like this until I met you. I love that you're the only one who has ever, could ever make me feel this way.

I love you.

I just do.

And I love that, too.

And now, babe… I love knowing more of the music you listen to. I love going to concerts with you. I love when you share a song with me that almost definitely isn't something a woman would send their totally and completely platonic male friend.

I love how deeply you feel your emotions, while also being so playful and full of fun and mischief. I love that you sometimes seem to tease me relentlessly. I love how much joy you seem to take from it.

I love when you flash me your most amazing, radiant smile when we pass each other, even though its only been a few minutes since we last parted…

I love that we found each other, against all odds. I love that there was some part of me that somehow knew you, even when we first met. I love that every mystery solved has only ever led me to love you more. I love that I can't even imagine that stopping, no matter what's still in store for me.

I love the thought of you asking me everything as I touch all the parts of you that drive me crazy. I love imaging you were the one who bumped the view count of that one video so high. I love that I decided on that song before I had ever been told how much a fan of that artist you were.

I love you. I do.

Now. Forever. Always. No matter what.

(I like you a whole awful lot, too. You. Yeah. You.)

Yours.