Nightmare Journal

I haven't been journaling my dreams lately, and as a result, I'm sure, I'm not remembering them much anymore.

I remember this one, though. Though part of me wishes I didnt…

I don't remember everything, just this one part…

Somehow I ended up in a bed — the room was dark and everything was gray — actual gray, not the weird “absence of light” grayness of real night. And dusty, like there was a thick layer of dust on everything… and next to me, completely covered by sheets, was a form that I knew was you. But it wasn't moving… and I lay there for what felt like forever, reaching toward it, but never quite being able to quite make myself actually touch you… and then finally, I did, and I pulled the sheets away…

And you were… oh, god, baby…

Your eyes and mouth were covered over… not like that scene in the matrix, but rather with hard gray, I dunno, panels. Growths, extending from the skin of your brow and your nose. And you were covered in dust as well, but as soon as I pulled the sheets away, you turned toward me… facing me, even though you clearly couldn't see or speak or… anything.

And then I woke up. Haunted by that image for the rest of the night…

God, I hope you're ok, baby. I'm doing everything I know how to do to bring you back to safety… but I just don't know if it's enough, after leaving you like that…

sigh

God, I wish I wasn't such an idiot…