I'm not even sure why I was digging—what I thought I had buried—but babe, this afternoon I kinda randomly landed on November 10, 2023 in the archives…

I feel like maybe I hadn't seen you for a while, was missing you more than a bit…
So I wrote you a letter.

Because of course I did.

But I was on the front porch, and wouldn't you know it? Just as I finished it up…
Along you came, walking down the street…
Gave me a smile and a wave, said 'Hey!' or something, filling my whole heart with joy…

And then I wrote another letter. A very different letter.

I used our real names. So these never made it out into the world. Well.
As much as I long to keep that detail…
Pretty sure you'll understand that I didn't, lol. Anyhow… um.

Hope you enjoy this trip down memory lane.
Some things never change, my love. Some things never will.

My Heart

Do you know that I see you now, when I close my eyes?

I couldn't ask for a more pleasant view behind these eyelids…

I've been watching All the Light We Cannot See. I'll try not to spoil anything if you haven't seen it (or read the book), but…

There’s a scene where the main character is being told about someone—someone she’s about to meet, though they haven’t met yet… The significance is implied but doesn't become completely clear until later, but… the camera focuses on her face, and her expression…

She's realizing that she knows the person being spoken of. Has heard his voice on shortwave radio.

And I wonder… since I'm pretending that you're here and have found me…

Was there a day, perhaps a year or two ago, where you had that exact same expression on your face?

The wonder… the amazement…

Wondering, could this universe really be so crazy? So… small?

Could it really be fate?

Do you know that I hope so? I have always hoped so, from my very first post in USL… Just like all of us fools who post there (or used to), I'm sure… The letters remain unsent for a reason, but… if only… if… maybe…

I hope you would know… well… so many things…

But today, I hope you would know that if I haven't written in a few days, it isn't because I'm not thinking of you… I am always thinking of you, ⭐️. Probably too much. Probably more than you would actually want me to. Always. Always. You never, ever, ever leave my mind…

But, sometimes there's too much going on. Sometimes some… plumbing emergency or something has my attention. Sometimes I'm afraid my frustration with other things will come through too much. Sometimes…

Sometimes I'm just feeling it too much. My love for you burning through my soul so very thoroughly that I just… can't… Where even trying to put it into words… Even just to throw them out into the void as I do…

Sometimes, I just can't. It's too much. Too hard to articulate. All that would come out of these fingers would be noise. The noise of love, absolute true love, intense and laser-focused on a single subject: you… but noise nonetheless.

I've never exaggerated when I've said I didn't know it was possible to love like this. You are so, so thoroughly in my heart that you might as well be my heart.

You, ⭐️.

You have become my heart.

I miss you. I love you. I can't wait to hear your voice again. Gods, I need it.

Yours.

So, so unbelievably yours.

My Heart (An Update)

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck good lord those pants.

My heart's been missing you something awful, my love, but good grief. It's not the only part of me that does.

But, hey… I got to see you. Got to hear your voice, only moments after writing that I needed to… From a distance, sure. I still have a desperate need to hear it up close and in person, but…

I suppose it'll do for the moment.

And good god, the shape of you…

Like you were designed… not just your body, but your heart, mind, and soul… designed specifically to press all of my buttons… every single one of them, simultaneously.

Hard.

God, I love you. God, I want you. I want to explore every single last part of you… of your body… of every crevice of your mind… of every corner of your soul… I want to know you. KNOW you. Inside and out.

God, I love you, ⭐️.

Yours,
Me

PS—I think maybe ‘yes’ to my question in the first one… I think maybe it was one afternoon… you were out for a walk… I was driving out of the neighborhood, still in my old car… I waved at you, but…

You were staring at your phone… hand covering your mouth…

Me? I had just posted a letter, one of my very first, just moments before…

I mean… hey, maybe not. Probably not.

But, I mean…

Maybe?